Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth . . . 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Is your love all of these things? It is doubtful, considering that we are human and will make mistakes. Because we are not perfect our love will never be perfect but it can be and should be a love that does not hurt us neither physically nor emotionally- and least of all spiritually.
Are you in a toxic relationship and if so, how do you know? Here are a few signs to help you identify whether your love is hazardous to your health.
Knowing the signs
According to Life Coach, Cheryl Richardson there are very distinct qualities to look for in toxic people:
The Blamer
This person likes to hear his/her own voice. They constantly complain and get energy from complaining and dumping frustrations on you.
The Drainer
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever is needed to make them momentarily satisfied while simultaneously sucking the life out of you.
The Shamer
This person is hazardous to your health! The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or belittle you ideas in front of others. They often ignore your boundaries and will have you believe that the criticism is for you own good. The shamer will have you questioning your own sanity.
The Discounter
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. They have a strong need to be right all of the time and can find fault with any position. Conversations with them are so exhausting that you eventually end up giving in and just listening.
The Gossip
This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. They get energy from relaying embellished stories and the latest “dirt.” Gossiping about others creates a lack of safety in their own relationships, because if they’ll talk about someone else they’ll talk about you.
How you can break the cycle
For most of us, choosing a toxic relationships is a force of habit. Research has shown
that individuals in toxic relationships as adults experienced their first taste as children. Breaking the cycle of bad relationships is difficult but not impossible. Media psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Diana Kirschner offers up practical advice on the first steps to getting out of a toxic relationship.. . “Ask friends who are happy in their relationships to describe how their guy behaves toward them so you can hear what you’re missing out on. “ Kirschner also suggests seeking therapy once you’ve ended a toxic relationship. Therapy will not only allow you to make peace with the person who originally wronged you but it will also help you to gain much needed closure and promote self -healing and growth toward healthier relationships in the future.
Identifying toxic signs in your relationship and knowing what defines a healthy relationship is key in ending hazardous relationships in your life for good!
Resources:
For more helpful tips and resources on how to have a healthy and successful relationship take Dr. Diana Kirschner’s dating pattern profile and visit her website at: dianakirschner.com
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