I Have Some Serious Questions:
On Dating
Dating in a major metropolitan city for more than 10 years has made me wonder, when did reckless behavior become the norm in dating? When did a sexual encounter become a date? Why do women get upset when they are not asked to be the girlfriend after years of random sexual encounters? When did it become acceptable to date married men? What he does with you he will do to you, look at Alicia Keys. When did sitting in someone’s living room watching television become a date? Please help me to establish if I have the game confused or is the game just in a state of disarray?
I have always believed that before you enter into a relationship or even began dating someone you must first be courted. When did people forget how to date? Am I to presume that people in no way know how to date? Am I simply bemused about the succession of a courting, dating and beginning a relationship? Perhaps I am one amidst many millions of women that thinks that the sequence of courting, dating and then moving into a relationship is still a practicable means of finding a life partner.
The Process
For those that are not familiar with the process, here’s my take on the matter. Courting begins after the exchange of phone numbers, during this time you are talking on the phone and texting. This is the getting to know the, “Best Foot Forward” persona. Throughout this time you are scratching the surface of the persona and determining if you want to hang out with this person. If the surface personas are appealing then people start to date. Dating is nothing more than hanging out spending time together, observing how your date interacts with other people. Is he chivalrous? Can he or she look you in the eyes when having a conversation? Is he or she courteous to wait staff? Does he or she have wandering eyes? What about table manners? Does he or she know their cocktail limit? Does he tip? There is no limit to the amount of people you can date at any given time, as long as you are single. Once you find someone who you enjoy spending time with and the feelings are mutual then you become exclusive and begin a relationship. It is really not hard!
What I know
For years, I have counseled my girlfriends on the fundamentals of dating and have been baffled that they had never acknowledged there was a progression to dating. This revelation made me ask, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” KJV Proverbs 31:10. Ladies if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. Your companionship is far above the price of rubies and any man should feel privileged to be in your presence but when you allow reckless norms to compromise your virtue you end up with someone that was not divinely intended for you.
I agree. It seems too many women are settling for less than even humane treatment, let alone womanly treatment. They debase themselves and so don’t seem to mind being debased. Sex is powerful and important. To reduce it to mere “thing” or something to do is the hobglobin of the smallest mind. We need to value our bodies and ourselves and demand relationships. They may not last but they are foundational. I’d rather a sturdy foundation than one made on shifting sand of sexual impurity–I know I said it.
Well said Cynthia. But let me just play devil’s advocate here for a moment. If a woman comes to the realization of just how powerful her body is and what it represents to a man, is it safe to say that a man should in turn treat the woman and her “temple” with the respect that it deserves. If that is the case then we as parents need to do a better job of raising our sons to be men who can be respectable and worthy of such a “temple”. I truly think that the values of woman and men have conformed to fit today’s society and it’s not for the better.
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